These Hilarious Signs Prove Why You Don’t Mess With Texas

Signs have been used as a form of communication for thousands of years. Some are there to give readers advice – others a warning. However, the warnings on some signs in Texas are sure to crack a few laughs!

As if the threat of being killed isn’t enough to keep you at bay! We can’t think of anything worse than suffering and death! We suppose that sometimes going the extra mile is worthwhile to ensure that nobody touches your stuff! Best to stay away.

Questions like this have made humans think about life, death, and our existence for thousands of years.

The great mystery at the end of life is one that haunts some and gives others assurance, but regardless of which side of the argument you’re on, most of us would like to spend a little extra time on Earth while we can. If you’re looking for the answer, it seems as though these people are willing to help you out!

These days it’s not uncommon for us to hear about lawsuits being filed left, right, and center.

Someone spills a hot drink on you? Sue! Your car gets bumped? Sue! So companies have started to take extra precautions to avoid these lengthy and costly lawsuits and stay out of trouble. This sign is a perfect example of how you can keep people safe while protecting yourself legally at the same time. Who said lawyers don’t have a sense of humor?

When you know you’re gonna be locked up for a long time, it’s probably a good idea to downsize. After all, what’s the point in paying for a house or apartment if you’re not gonna be living there.

If you ever find yourself in the same situation, follow in this Texan’s footsteps and sell all of your stuff in a jail sale before you get shut in the slammer. As he discovered post-sale, all of that cash wasn’t gonna help him much anyway.

Sometimes, logic has a way of flying straight into your face and cutting you to pieces. At least, that’s what this helicopter landing pad found when they repeatedly had visitors walking a little too close to helicopters that were on the verge of taking off.

As tragedy inched ever closer to their doorstep, the proprietors decided to go full Texas on the landing pad encroachers. After they put up this sign, they found that locals at least fully understood the danger.

When this Texas bartender realized she spent more of her time listening to girls cry about their exes than actually pouring beer, she knew she needed to do something about it.

Rather than try to shirk the responsibility, she suggested to management that they change their sign in order to dig up those old memories. For every patron that decided to come in because of the new sign, management found they didn’t even need the alcohol to begin talking about how awful their ex-was.

There’s nothing like vegetables that have come straight from the farm, but it’s clear this country bumpkin wasn’t used to working hard to sell his wares.

Though they now have mandatory education all over the country, there was a time when farmers’ children tended to skip out on their lessons to help in the fields. This certainly shows in the farmer’s sign, as he clearly forgot how to spell zucchini, jalapeno, and bell pepper, all of which he spelled the way they sound.

Texans may be polite in the daylight, but give them some whiskey and turn down the lights, and they can be as belligerent as any city dweller.

This local watering hole was tired of putting up with bar fights as patrons continuously jostled with one another in order to get the bartender’s attention. When they put up this sign, just to show that they know everyone can be a pain when they’ve had a few too many, life got a lot easier for the bartenders.

With the local population in Texas being what it is, this neon sign seems to be right on the money. What’s more American than Chick-Fil-A?

The chicken restaurant with Southern Baptist values can be found in almost all 50 states, but just like with everything else that is American, Texas knows that what’s best is what’s biggest. Refusing to be outdone — not even by Georgia, the home state of Chick-fil-A — Texas actually has more locations than any other state.

We’ve seen pictures of what things look like in Texas, but what we’ve been missing is what it feels like. Thankfully, this sign answers all your questions, along with a seasonal calendar. Yes, folks, things are hot in Texas.

Northern states have hot and cold, while Texas has hot and hotter. Other places have spring, summer, winter, and autumn, which seems to work out for them very well. Texas, on the other hand, had to come up with a more fitting system: January, summer, summerer, and Christmas.

If you aren’t familiar with it, Laredo is a smaller city located on the banks of the Rio Grande, the river that separates Mexico and the U.S. Because of this factor, much of the local economy is based on the transfer of goods and people over the border with Mexico, which has made its inhabitants very friendly and welcoming.

That being said, nighttime temperatures in the winter drop to 40℉ and reach up to 90℉ during the day.

Bigger is better in Texas, so Texans, on principle, will make sure things appear as big as they can get them. Heck, there’s so much room there it makes sense to fill it up as much as possible!

The town of Alpine, Texas may not have the numbers to compete with even the smaller cities in Texas, such as Laredo, so they pooled together all the numerical data they could get their hands on and combined it. That’s what they call Texan resourcefulness!

While it has become very fashionable to go vegan-friendly, it seems some people in Texas have other, more literal, ideas about the trend. Many people around the world are making an effort to avoid animal-based products such as cow-produced milk, but this funny sign has got people thinking.

Perhaps this so-called “animal-free” soy milk is just simply milk introducing itself in Spanish. As “Soy” means “I am” in Spanish, this sign certainly sees the funny side of the new fad.

This Texas community swimming pool has very strict policies when it comes to what you can and cannot do. While diving and splashing are off the cards, so is peeing. This humorous sign explains the message in a not-so-literal way.

Perhaps taking out the ‘P’ from ‘Pool’ is a good way of getting the message through to adults, but this wordplay may be a little less obvious to the children who are committing the crime.

Sometimes, people seek a new interest, whether it be running, knitting, or so on. However, it seems that in Texas, there’s a new thing that no one has ever tried before. Make your way to Texas and have a go at Psychic Karate!

Although it is unclear whether this is two separate signs or you can actually inquire about a Psychic Karate class, we hope it is the latter. Who wouldn’t want to try their hand at having their palm read before attempting a Mae Geri kick on someone?

There is no better selling technique than hitting the customer with the harsh truth. Driving past this sign with her mom in the car, Emma was struck with the harsh reality she had to pull over.

For a moment, her teenage years of shoplifting and drunken antics, which caused her mom great distress, flashed before her eyes, and she knew what she had to do. Get those sombreros on and shake the maracas, it’s time for a margarita (or four, if you’re Emma).

While most speed signs around the world do not look like this, this one is certainly more of an actual representation of the realities of driving in Texas. As most states have strict guidelines for speed limits, it seems the people of Texas like to try and push that boundary, safety aside.

Not knowing whether the limit should be 80, 85, or even 90, the state does know one thing for sure – just don’t go above 100! Oh wait, it’s Texas – go for it!

Welcome to Texas, or at least a part of Texas that considers horses to be a form of livestock. Did we just hide under a rock for five decades and realize that the cowboys of today now eat their horses as well?

Oh, how things have changed in these parts. Thankfully, though, this is a part of Texas that doesn’t allow farmers to bring their livestock to this particular location. Our optimistic side is telling us that the designer mistook a horse for a cow.

In Texas, there are certain food staples that need to be on every family’s table. This is not just when the weekend comes around but every single day of the week. In fact, some families will religiously subscribe to the following food model – The Texas Food Pyramid.

So apparently, pecan pie and Blue Bell Ice Cream are the most important features of any Texan fridge/freezer. They are even more important than the beloved steak, which is at the very top.

Ever heard of the expression “taking one for the team?” Well, it seems like that is what the wearer of this T-shirt is doing – taking one for the entire team of Austin, Texas.

In order to ensure that no one else experiences the pain, turmoil, and sheer boredom of this part of the state, one guy wears this T-shirt every single day, encouraging tourists and people visiting from out of town never to move out to this God-forsaken city.

While dating apps have revolutionized the way we meet our kindred souls or casual flings, it certainly hasn’t changed one thing about parenting. Anyone who’s gone on a blind date before knows that if you’re picking up your date from their house, you had best keep an eye out for dad.

And make sure you’re on your best behavior because if “Daddy’s little angel” says one thing to her dearest papa — it could be the end of the line for you!

As we all know firearm safety is of utmost importance, but sometimes we all need a reminder. If we are to carry weapons around in public there should be a few rules set in place and some formal etiquette to make sure that there are no incidents.

This store seems to have taken the obvious and explanatory route while adding a kindly hint of good old-fashioned superiority to boot! If it wasn’t clear enough before, it most certainly is now!

As long as something makes sense for the person involved, then why does it need to make sense to anyone else? In life, there are vegetarians, vegans, and pescatarians.

Each one, with their subtle differences, is the basic practice of abstaining from certain types of foods, whether it be for health, ethics, or any other reason. However, have you ever heard of a “secondhand vegetarian”? Well, neither had we until we came across this (how should we put it) interesting sign.

Drive-thru fast-food restaurants are common all throughout the U.S.A. In places such as Pennsylvania, for example, you can even get your booze fix at your local drive-thru beer distributor.

Be that as it may, Texas is not to be outdone by anyone, just like with Chick-fil-A and pretty much everything else American. Is there another state where you can buy both liquor and firearms at the same drive-thru? The answer is no, there isn’t. Texas is simply on another plane.

We apologize on behalf of the restaurant in question for hitting you in the face with this welcome sign. Look, guys, all we needed to know was that your nachos are big. We don’t need a life-size scale.

We will find out when we order them off the menu. Anyway, how do you know if your nachos are bigger than any of our body parts? You know that people come in a variety of shapes and sizes, right?

Yet again, it looks like Texas has officially outdone itself in the heat department! If Satan is calling to reclaim his weather, you know things are getting spicy. Someone better send him a snow cone before he changes his mind about visiting the Lone Star State.

In true Texas fashion, though, locals are probably just fanning themselves and calling it “a warm breeze.” Meanwhile, the rest of us are left melting faster than butter on a hot skillet. Stay cool out there, y’all — if that’s even possible!

Forget guard dogs — this Texan property is protected by a squad of fire ants! These tiny warriors don’t bark, but they sure do bite. Step onto this land uninvited, and you’ll leave doing the “hot-foot shuffle” faster than you can say “Texas hospitality.”

It’s a genius security system, really. No batteries required, no feeding schedule, just a whole lot of angry ants on duty 24/7. Consider this your fair warning: trespassers will be punished… painfully.

Texas sure knows how to grab your attention! At first glance, you might think this sign has a serious attitude, but don’t worry—it’s all about Southern hospitality. “WTF” here stands for “Winter Texan Friendly,” proving once again that Texans have a sense of humor as big as their state.

It’s the perfect message for snowbirds seeking warmer weather. Come for the sun, stay for the smiles, and maybe laugh a little at the boldness of this sign. Welcome to Texas, y’all!

Apparently, in Texas, table dancing is fine — just leave your spurs at the door! This sign isn’t here to ruin your fun; it’s just trying to protect the furniture (and maybe a few egos) from some unintentional giddy-up damage.

You’ve got to admire the level of detail in this rule. It suggests this scenario has happened enough times to warrant a sign. So, by all means, dance away… just keep it spur-free for everyone’s safety and sanity!

Who needs a cape when you’ve got a license plate that says “POOGUY”? This truck is on a mission to save lawns, one doody at a time. With catchy slogans, a hotline, and even a text option, they’ve got their business down to a science.

For just $11.25 a week, this hero ensures Texans can enjoy “duty-free” yards. Hats off to the Poop Guy for turning a messy problem into a service that’s both practical and, let’s be honest, hilarious!